


The Ace

by MelissaWritesStuff



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Getting Together, Internalized Acephobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5809648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaWritesStuff/pseuds/MelissaWritesStuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morisuke is ascending in the absolute worst way possible. His soul has just... drifted up out of his body, not in the mood to deal with this bullshit, instead choosing to float into some alternate dimension where nothing exists, time is an illusion, and Haiba Lev did not just reject him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ace

Morisuke is ascending in the absolute worst way possible. His soul has just... drifted up out of his body, not in the mood to deal with this bullshit, instead choosing to float into some alternate dimension where nothing exists, time is an illusion, and Haiba Lev did not just reject him.

The hollow shell left behind, Morisuke’s body, is just numbly sitting on the steps outside of the gym, staring at the ground with Lev’s answer echoing in his ears.

_“No.”_

Lev stammered out a hasty apology after that before quickly walking away, but that was all he really had to say. “No.” There was no cushion of, “I’m busy this weekend, but maybe some other time,” or, “I’m just too busy with school and volleyball for a relationship,” or, “I value our friendship too much to ruin it with a romantic relationship.” There was nothing. Just, “No.”

Morisuke had actually gotten to nerve to ask Lev on a date. After months of developing the most inconvenient crush in the world, of telling himself that he couldn’t possibly have feelings for someone like Lev, of forcing thoughts about Lev’s big grins and long legs out of his head before going to sleep at night; after finally admitting to himself that he wants to kiss Lev and hold his hand and go to movies with him and stay up late texting him about nothing; after noticing every little detail of Lev’s possible reciprocation, from the way he blushes so easily around Morisuke to his ridiculous excuses to talk to Morisuke all the time; after finally, _finally_ getting the courage to ask him out... He’d been rejected.

He’d been rejected by Lev.

Lev. Of _all_ people.

_“No.”_

Morisuke is snapped back into reality at the sound of someone coming out of the doors behind him, and his ascending soul sinks heavily back into his numb body as he turns to see who it is. He doesn’t know whether to feel better or worse that it’s just Kuroo.

“Hey!” Kuroo says excitedly, grinning as he stands over Morisuke. “Did you ask him? How did it go?”

Morisuke just wants to die.

But instead, he turns to look back at the ground again. “He said no.”

Kuroo hesitates in surprise. “What?”

Some of Morisuke’s numbness fizzles into irritation. He clenches his fists as he repeats, “He. Said. No.”

“But... he _can’t_ have,” Kuroo says, more in denial about it than Morisuke is.

“He did,” Morisuke insists. “He said no. I got rejected. By a first-year. By _Lev_.”

Kuroo sighs. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

Morisuke starts rubbing his eyes in frustration as Kuroo sits next to him. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” he grumbles.

“I thought I was helping!” Kuroo says defensively. “Jeez, who knew? I totally thought he liked you.”

Morisuke has to take a moment before responding, because Kuroo is just making this worse. “Well. He doesn’t.”

“But...”

“Oh, my God, stop!” Morisuke snaps. “Can you just shut up about it? Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have an unrequited crush on a _first-year_?”

“Of course I do,” Kuroo says with a laugh. “God, I was a mess, back when I first started liking Tsukki... Y’know, different grade levels, different schools, different teams... The only way I could get close to him was coaching his blocking, but I was afraid he was just going to see me as The Third-Year Captain Guy From A Different School Who Taught Him Blocking and nothing more...”

Morisuke’s jaw tightens, because there’s a very, very important detail to Kuroo’s experience that Kuroo is conveniently leaving out that makes all the difference in their situations.

“And it makes things so hard to read sometimes, y’know?” Kuroo continues, completely oblivious to Morisuke’s growing anger. “Like, are you being nice to me because I’m older than you? Or because you like me? Do you actually want to be around me or do you just put up with me to be polite? That kind of stuff. It’s easy to tell that kind of stuff for dudes your own age, but with first-years... And being wrong sucks. So I totally understand where you’re coming from-”

Morisuke stands up, looming over Kuroo as he shouts, “ _Except you don’t because your crush actually did like you back and now you’re dating and I just got rejected, Kuroo_.”

Kuroo shrinks away from Morisuke, giving a forced smile. “Point taken,” he says weakly.

Morisuke groans and sits beside Kuroo again. “How did _you_ win over Tsukishima when I can’t even win over _Lev_?”

“I still can’t believe you haven’t,” Kuroo says. “I was absolutely, one-hundred-percent convinced he liked you.”

“Kuroo, this isn’t helping-”

“I’m serious,” Kuroo insists. “Maybe there’s something else up. Maybe it was his first time being asked out and he panicked. Maybe he’s afraid of eventually breaking up and things being awkward, since you guys have to see each other everyday. Maybe he has a secret boyfriend already that he has to break up with before he can date you-”

“ _Shut up_!” Morisuke interrupts. “It’s not any of your stupid reasons! He just doesn’t like me like that. End of story.”

Kuroo just narrows his eyes and thinks about it for a moment. “But he does, though.”

And with that, Morisuke manages to achieve a level of anger so high, he once again reaches a state of calm. “What makes you think that?” he asks, no longer about to hit Kuroo but still quietly planning homicide in his head.

“He just _does_ ,” Kuroo insists. “And it’s not just me that thinks so, either! Kenma thinks so, Kai thinks so, Inuoka-kun thinks so... I’m pretty sure Kenma said that even Hinata from Karasuno thinks so.”

“Why are you talking about this with everyone?” Morisuke asks with a sigh. “I thought I told you to keep it secret.”

“I wasn’t! They all brought it up first! Because it’s so _obvious_ he likes you!”

“Then why would he reject me?”

“Ask him!”

“That’s the worst idea you’ve _ever_ had.”

“I could ask him for you,” Kuroo offers.

“I stand corrected.”

Kuroo slumps his shoulders. “You’re not just gonna give up, are you?”

“Kuroo... I have had a _very_ long day, okay?” Morisuke says, not in the mood to discuss this anymore.

“Alright, alright,” Kuroo sighs, patting Morisuke’s shoulder as he stands up. “Just... _consider_ talking to him, okay? And if all else fails, I can get Tsukki to hook you up with some other first-year.”

As Kuroo walks away, Morisuke quickly takes off one of his shoes and throws it at Kuroo’s head.

~

Getting rejected by Lev turned out to be even worse than getting a crush on him, in terms of Morisuke not being able to get his mind off of him. All he can think about while walking home from school, having dinner with his family, doing his homework, lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling as he waits for sleep, is Lev. All he can think about is Lev’s big smile and his amber, cat-like eyes, his laugh and the way he calls out, “Yaku-san!” whenever they see each other, his long limbs and ridiculously tall posture and glow-y pale skin and soft silver hair...

Only now, that’s all mixed in with, “No.”

Lev’s long fingers. _You’ll never get to hold his hand._ His pout when he’s disappointed. _You’ll never get to kiss him._ The surprisingly insightful stuff he says when he’s sleepy. _They’ll never turn into the whispered sweet nothings you secretly hoped they would._

Morisuke just groans and buries his face in his pillow, absolutely miserable that he let himself get this bad, that he let himself like Lev so much, that he let himself get his hopes up. He’s liked a couple other guys before, but when those hadn’t worked out, Morisuke hadn’t been too fussed about it. He’d be disappointed for a few hours at most before getting over it, because he knew high school relationships weren’t likely to last and he should focus on school and volleyball anyway.

But it’s been a few hours since Lev rejected him, and the disappointment isn’t going away. If anything, it’s just getting worse.

He considers for a brief moment talking to Lev about it, like Kuroo told him, but he quickly decides that he isn’t sure he can handle being rejected _again_.

~

Morisuke ends up not getting any choice in the matter. Things were actually normal enough during practice after school, but the second practice ends, as all the other boys are filing into the locker room, Lev comes up and grabs Morisuke’s arm.

“Yaku-san, can we talk?”

Morisuke’s soul starts to leave his body once again, but he forces himself to stay composed as he and Lev step outside and find somewhere more private to talk.

Morisuke clears his throat a little before speaking. “What is it?”

“A-about yesterday, when you... y’know.” Lev starts fidgeting, and he looks like he isn’t quite sure what to do with his hands. “I was just really caught off guard when you asked me, and I really didn’t mean to respond so rudely.”

“So you’re just apologizing for being rude?” Morisuke asks, disgusted with his own heart for having the audacity to be disappointed, as if he was expecting Lev to say something else.

Lev fidgets with the hem of his shorts. “Please don’t take it personally, Yaku-san,” he says quietly. “I just... I know you wouldn’t want to be with someone like me, okay?”

Morisuke scowls. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t mean-”

“What, did you think I just asked you out on a whim?” Morisuke asks, and he knows he sounds more accusatory than he should, but he can’t help himself.

“I-”

“That I didn’t think it through for _months_ beforehand?”

Lev’s eyes went wide. “Months?”

“You think you know what I want better than I do? That’s it’s up to you to decide what I _really_ want? That-”

“Yaku-san, I didn’t mean it like that!” Lev interrupts, and Morisuke suddenly realizes that Lev’s on the brink of tears. “Th-there’s just something about me you don’t know and if you knew, I-I don’t think you’d want to be with me.”

“That’s...” Morisuke hesitates, because fuck, he doesn’t want to make Lev _cry_. “Th-that’s... still not for you to... What is it?”

Lev’s lip quivered.

Morisuke quickly put his hand on Lev’s arm. “Lev, don’t cry, just tell me what it is.”

“S-sorry, I’ve just never told this to anyone before,” Lev mumbled, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “I-I’m asexual.”

Morisuke’s eyebrows shoot up, because in all the dramatics of it, he was half-expecting Lev to confess to murder. “Asexual?” he repeats.

“I really, really like you, Yaku-san,” Lev says quietly before sniffling. “I really do. But I’m never going to want to... y’know. O-or anything like that. Ever. A-and I just figured, if we actually starting going out, you were going to want something more than kissing sooner or later... I just figured I wouldn’t bother getting my hopes up.”

And Morisuke is absolutely speechless. Lev actually likes him. Lev _likes_ him. He just doesn’t want to get himself hurt. If Morisuke navigates this conversation right, he could walk away with a date after all. He could actually have that future of holding hands and kissing and whispered sweet nothings with Lev. All he has to do is assure Lev that he won’t hurt him.

So naturally, Morisuke hits his shoulder.

“ _Ow_!”

“You honestly think I care about sex that much?” Morisuke asks. “That I would stop liking you just because you’re not into that?”

Morisuke’s approach completely backfires. “What, as if it’s so crazy to think that you might?!” Lev snaps defensively, and Morisuke actually takes a half step back. “As if half the boys in my class don’t try to get me to talk about which girls are the sexiest or guess what their underwear looks like? As if I never overhear Kuroo-san talking with his friends and hinting about what kind of dirty stuff he and his boyfriend text about? As if the last time the team took a bus trip somewhere, you guys didn’t spent the _whole time_ playing Never Have I Ever, and almost _everyone_ had done _so much_? Almost every boy I know talks about this kind of thing _all the time_! _None_ of them would want to be with someone like me! Why should I have thought you were any different?!”

And Morisuke now feels like the biggest asshole on the planet. He knows exactly what Lev is talking about, how gross teenage boys can be when they talk about girls, and how much Kuroo likes to brag about his relationship with Tsukishima, and God, that bus trip... Aside from Kenma, who didn’t even bother joining in, Lev is right: everyone confessed to at least one dirty secret that trip (even Morisuke himself).

Morisuke thinks back to what Lev was doing during that trip, because he didn’t think much of it at the time, but Lev definitely didn’t participate, either. He just stuck with Kenma, looking over his shoulder and asking questions about the video game he was playing. Morisuke was too preoccupied at the time with the game everyone else was playing, but now that he thinks about it, it seems so strange that Lev would stay aside with Kenma like that. Usually Lev is the loudest, the most enthusiastic, the most eager to join in on the fun that everyone else is having. It was so un-Lev-like to stay in the back and quietly ask Kenma about his town in Animal Crossing.

And Morisuke has known about Kenma being asexual for ages now, because Kenma never really kept it secret. Even quiet, shy Kenma has always been open and casual about his disinterest when the topic of sex comes up. It’s strange to think that Lev, who is the exact opposite of quiet and shy, would just sit and suffer in silence when this kind of thing clearly makes him so uncomfortable. Why would he do that? It’s not like he could possibly think the guys on the team would make fun of him, right? No one has ever made fun of Kenma, so why would they make fun of Lev? Why would he be so hesitant to talk about his sexuality?

Morisuke clears his throat. “Lev,” he says quietly.

Lev turns to look at the ground. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“You know... you know there’s nothing _wrong_ with you, right?”

Lev just sniffles and says nothing, and Morisuke knows he’s figured it out.

“Lev, look at me.”

Lev shakes his head.

“ _Lev_.”

Lev still doesn’t comply, sniffling again and rubbing one of his eyes.

“Why would you think that being asexual is bad thing?” Morisuke asks him. “Kenma’s asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with him, right?”

“It’s different,” Lev mumbles. “Kenma’s practically aromantic, too. Yeah, he has Hinata now, but he never really wanted to date anyone before they met. When he talks about being asexual, to him, it’s about not really wanting anyone. B-but it’s not like that with me. I want people, I really, _really_ want people, I just... don’t want them the way I’m _supposed_ to want them. And I’ll just disappoint them sooner or later.”

And Morisuke can’t take it anymore, because hearing Lev talk about himself like that is almost heartbreaking. “Lev, _look at me_.”

Lev shakes his head. “No.”

Morisuke sighs. “Okay, then listen to me: there is _nothing_ wrong with you. Okay? There is nothing wrong with you. If there are people out there that don’t want to date you because you’re asexual, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. They just... want something out of the relationship that you don’t. That’s all. It’s like if one person wanted to get married and the other didn’t, or one person wanted kids and the other didn’t, or one person wanted to live in the country and one wanted to live in the city. It’s just people _wanting_ different things, and maybe they’re incompatible because of it, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with any of them. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, either. You’re not wrong for wanting to date people, and you’re not wrong for not wanting to do anything else with them. You hear me?”

Morisuke waits for a response, but Lev stays quiet, so he immediately assumes he fucked up again and starts to backtrack.

“I mean... If that makes any sense, I just meant... Like-”

Morisuke is cut off when Lev suddenly leans down and throws his arms around Morisuke’s shoulders, burying his face against Morisuke’s neck. He’s so much closer than he’s ever been to Morisuke’s ear as whispers, “Thank you, Yaku-san,” and tightens his arms around him.

And at first, Morisuke can’t move. He can’t breathe. He can’t even _think_. All of his senses are just overloaded with Lev, Lev, Lev, having Lev hold him so close and completely envelope him in his arms, and it’s all so, _so_ warm. Part of him wants to compare it to being snuggled up in a big, fluffy blanket on a rainy day, but no blanket has ever given Morisuke butterflies in his stomach like Lev is right now. Lev is warm in a different way than blankets or campfires or sunshine or anything else Morisuke’s ever experienced before. His warmth is just so... _intimate_. Lev is always so loud and open, but to experience Lev like this, when he’s so quiet and he’s closed off to the whole world except for Morisuke... The only thing Morisuke can do is close his eyes and wrap his arms around Lev’s waist in return.

“Lev?” he murmurs.

“Yeah?”

“Would you want to be in a strictly romantic relationship with me?”

Lev nuzzles his face against Morisuke’s shoulder, and Morisuke just about dies. “Yes,” Lev says softly.

Morisuke musters up his resolve before admitting for the second time, “I want that, too.”

“And you really don’t care about sex?”

Morisuke’s face goes red, and he hugs Lev tighter, partially because he likes Lev so much and partially because hiding against Lev makes this all easier to say. “I care about you _way_ more than I care about sex.”

“Yaku-san...”

“Drop the ‘-san’,” Morisuke tells him. “If we’re gonna do this, then you need to treat me like I’m your boyfriend and not like I’m your senpai.”

Lev suddenly pulls back just enough to look Morisuke in the eye. “W-wait, are we boyfriends? Just like that?”

“If you want us to be,” Morisuke says, trying _desperately_ not to look down at Lev’s lips.

Still, Morisuke can’t help it when Lev’s surprised expression turns into a ridiculous smile. “O-okay then. Boyfriends.” He clears his throat before adding quietly, “Morisuke.”

Morisuke immediately covers his own mouth in horror, because he wasn’t expecting Lev to call him his given name so suddenly, and he _really_ wasn’t expecting it to sound so soft and sweet.

Lev’s eyes widened in delight. “Wow, you’re _really_ red-”

“Shut up,” Morisuke grumbled, stepping back and turning to hide his face from Lev. “I-I just...”

“No, it’s cute!”

“ _Shut up_!”

Lev just steps closer and hugs Morisuke from behind, and Morisuke is positive that his face has never, ever been redder.

“Does this mean you want to go to that movie on Saturday after all?” Morisuke mumbles, covering his face with one hand and placing the other on top of one of Lev’s hands where it’s resting on his waist.

“I would love to,” Lev says, giving Morisuke a squeeze, and Morisuke is officially dead.

After just taking it all in for a moment, the fact that Lev is his boyfriend and the fact that they have a movie date on Saturday and the fact that Lev gives really, really good hugs, Morisuke speaks up again. “Lev?”

“Yes?”

“I... I know that what I said before didn’t magically fix whatever issues you have-”

“But I’m still really happy you said it,” Lev assures him, once again pulling away so he can walk around and look Morisuke in the eye.

“My point is, if you ever feel like you need to talk about it, you can talk to me.”

Lev’s face starts to go pink, and for a moment, Morisuke thinks (and hopes) that Lev is going to get as flustered as he already is.

Instead, Lev just swiftly leans down to press a kiss to Morisuke’s cheek.

“ _Lev_!” Morisuke gasps, lifting a hand to touch his cheek and taking a step back.

Lev is trying not to smile. “Was... that not okay?”

“N-no, it’s...” Morisuke turns to look at the ground and screws up his face so it doesn’t go all disgusting and smile-y and lovesick like it’s trying to. “I-it’s fine, just... _warn_ me next time, okay?!”

Lev can’t help but beam, and it’s annoying because Lev just looks really, really cute when he does that, and Morisuke has a strong urge to kiss Lev’s cheek in return, but... It’s a little out of reach.

“Lev?”

“Yes?”

“Lean down.”

“What?”

“Just do it,” Morisuke says, wanting to hurry it along because they’ve been standing out here for a while now and the rest of the team is going to start coming out of the gym soon.

Lev obliges and leans down, and his breath catches when Morisuke cups his face in his hands. He hesitantly places his own hands on Morisuke’s waist, and closes his eyes when Morisuke gently turns Lev’s face to the side so he can kiss his cheek.

_Quick_ , Morisuke thinks to himself as he starts to lean in. He doesn’t know how Lev managed so be so quick and perfect about his own kiss on the cheek, when Morisuke couldn’t seem to help but make it the slowest, most deliberate thing ever. _C’mon, before anyone else shows up and_ -

Just as Morisuke’s lips touch Lev’s cheek, there’s a loud, “ _I knew it_!” that makes both of them jump and immediately take a step back from each other.

Morisuke’s thoughts quickly go from kissing to homicide when he sees that, _of course_ , it’s Kuroo.

“ _Get out of here_!” Morisuke snaps.

“Aw, I’m so happy for you two!” Kuroo gushes. “I _knew_ things would work out!”

“Kuroo, _get out of here_ ,” Morisuke repeats, wanting to stay civil so the moment isn’t completely ruined, but Kuroo makes it _so difficult_.

“You two are so cute together,” Kuroo continues. “Especially with such a big height difference-”

Lev just _barely_ manages to catch Morisuke around his waist in time before Morisuke has the chance to lunge at Kuroo, shouting, “ _Kuroo-san, run_!” as Kuroo makes his escape.

**Author's Note:**

> {[click here to reblog from my writing tumblr](http://melissawritesstuff.tumblr.com/post/137983490914/the-ace)}  
> ★reblogs are much appreciated★


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